Thursday, 14 April 2011

losing the fear

Afraid is not the right word, and neither is fear. My relationship to my diabetes at first was a mishmash of confusion and worry. It’s almost six months on and as I’ve learnt more about how my body reacts to food and slightly more about the condition I’ve also lost that initial drive I had that drove me to the gym or to walk home instead of taking the bus. As I’ve normalised my diabetes and brought down my blood sugar levels so I’ve started to flirt with complacency.

Every time I have something to eat I have to make a decision, do I have cheese in my salad or do I leave out the extra fat? Should I have a bag of crisps or should I put them back on the shelf? Previously that decision was massively influenced by the betes. It drove most of my choices. But now I’m getting lazy. Now I’m deciding that I will have that packet of crisps, or nuts, or cheese. I think I might be being too harsh on myself but I wouldn’t mind hearing how other people have coped when they get over the initial shock?

The other aspect of the betes was how it drove me to get up at 6.30 in the morning to go for a swim at the gym. That drive has also gone and I want to get it back. Again I might be being too harsh on myself because I do still go to the gym and play football and badminton, but just not as much as I used to. Perhaps I need some targets, such as running a marathon or similar. I think I might be some way off that yet.

I would like to join a regular football team but I’m not sure where to start.
Further to my concern is that as I get further and further away from my diagnosis date on the 14 May 2009 the harder it will become to keep up all my new good habits. The good thing is this is something that is within my gift. It’s for me to decide what it is I want to do and something I can take control of. I just need to get a bit more organised to fit it all in.

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